Fear of Rejection or Fear Someone Will Say No?
Two different things, in my opinion.
Rejection is very personal. When I was rejected it was because “they/he/she” dismissed me as being unacceptable in some way. There have been times in my life I was rejected because I wasn’t pretty enough, I was too fat, I was too skinny, I was too quiet, I wasn’t funny enough, I was too smart. Yes – those were reasons given to me for the rejection when I attempted to form friendships, audition for a theater production, during a love relationship.
Rejection hurts. It can be a deep, emotional pain that verges on traumatic or a pain that is easily soothed by a hug from someone who accepts and loves me.
In my life, the deep, emotional pain of rejection lasted much longer than I thought necessary. I recall being quite annoyed that I had to make a conscious effort to address the pain, accept it for what it was, and work through it. I’m glad I did – afterwards!
Fear Someone Will Say No isn’t nearly as personal. Though I can make it feel that way. For me, this fear is based in Pride. When I am asking for something I am showing someone else that I am … weak, ignorant, or worse.
I learned how to recognize the fear for what it was – Pride – and to change my attitude toward it so that now I don’t feel that fear as often. And when I do feel it, I simply tell myself “Get over yourself and just ask”. Why? Because I know how to put the response in context.
They said YES! oh my – that really is a possibility. Am I prepared for the moment they say YES?
They said NO! bummer – now to ask why.
Here are a few reasons I’ve been given, and please note that none are negative toward me:
I don’t have time
I prefer to give that level of detail to those who hire me
I have no idea how to do that
Your membership doesn’t give you access to me at that level
What you’re offering isn’t in line with what I’m doing right now
Your following isn’t large enough
Just as I have set criteria for working with people, giving information, etc. so do they. All they’re doing is answering my request according to their criteria.
And I’m not going to know that criteria …
unless I ask.